Female Sexuality & Polyamory 

NIKA MAKSIMYUK (Visual Artist & Journalist)

Interview by Dipl.-Psych. Paiman Maria Davarifard

Perfect system of relatonships for me would be having a few romantic partners and having sex only with them. If I fall in love with someone new, I tell all the current parnters, and if they are all OK with that, I try to build relationships. I enjoy building relationships, confessing love, supporting and taking care of the partner. It is my very favorite thing in life. It is pretty standard for a girl, but I am OK with being a “typicla girl”. I think women shall not be ashamed to be themselves. 

But it is very hard to build multiple romantic relationships. And even not jealousy is the main problem (though that problem exists too) The main problem is - most people overestimate sex and underestimate romance. Especially men. People are afraid of responsibility - and poly-romance is A LOT of responsibility. I don’t understand common obsession with the theme of body. I view body as merely a tool for expressing your feelings, your ideas, your thoughts. And sex is one of the ways to say “I love you”. 

imagofeminae: how do your partner(s) cope with this concept of love?

Nika Maksimyuk: Polyamours people are very vulnerable in relationships. One problem is that they are under threat of abuse based on sudden jealousy. The other is they have huge risk of being used for satisfying simple lust, cause people think that if we have sex with more than one person, we definitely simply enjoy any sex with anyone. Which is not true. Being open bears huge risks. Being a romantic is dangerous, cause we trust ourselves to persons we barely know.

On the other hand, polyamorous relationships can bring a lot of happiness if they go well. And also a lot of personal growth. It is handling a lot of responsibility, it is finding compromises, it is constant empathy, listening, understanding, feeling. It is having deep converstations and emotional connections with a few - yes, it does make you more thoughtfull, more versatile, more creative. It is great possibilities, for which we pay with great risks of more pain and more loss. And also with rejection in conservative society. Polyamory is actually not a new thing. There just were times when society was OK with it (for example, in ancient Greece) and times when society was unwelcome to it. But polyamory will always exist, just because  some people exist, who have inner resources and needs to love a few. Prohibiting them and shaming them won’t change them, they won’t become mono. In traditional conservative relationships they can not be happy, they will only suffer. It is the reason some poly-s are single by a compelled choice. It is even better for a poly to stay single, than to be in classical mono-relationships. At least in this case nobody will try to control their feelings. 

imagofeminae: what is the social context of Polyamory for you?

Nika Maksimyuk: Tolerance to polyamory would make the world better not only for polys, but for monogamous people too. Why can’t they see it? Acceptance will stimulate polys to be honest with everyone about who they are. Then monos will be informed in advance and will not try to build relationships with them. There will be much less cheating, lying and broken hearts. And even non-romantic sexuality should be accepted as normal. Cause if we shame people who simply like sex, they would simply not reveal their true motives and will try to get sex with deception. Of course, I do not argue that being honest is everyone’s personal responsibility, but also I understand, that for many people it is hard to go against the society and be honest about who they are when it is not accepted. 

imagofeminae: how does this concept of sexuality affect your art?

Nika Maksimyuk: Most of my works are dedicated to romantic relationships. And I use the colors accordingly, for example, I use a lot of red, which is the typical color for love. But also it is color for blood - for pain, for violence. I explore topics of toxic relationships, emotional deprivation, abuse, unrequitted love and break-ups. I believe that art can change the world to better. It can raise tolerance, empathy, acceptance, it can touch hearts and stimulate people to rethink behavioral patterns. And moreover, art can create another worlds.

In my works I have social, political and environmental topics as well, but the majority of what I do is dedicated to love and relationships. My art is mostly personal, it is the language I try to speak, not being understood through words.