Story  imagofeminae

SUMMER  2024 # XL

ESSAY

When I chose trust as the theme for this article, I realized that my own name is closely linked to it.

„Emine“ is Turkish and translates to „trustworthy.“ It’s the Turkish version of the Arabic name „Amina,“ but its true origin lies in the Aramaic word „Amin“ or „Amen,“ which Jews and Christians often say at the end of their prayers to express their trust in God’s promise or truth. Trust is, therefore, a central theme in my life, especially on my spiritual journey.

My father is Muslim, and my mother is an esoteric practitioner. I grew up without faith, and as a teenager, I belved in  esotericism but also in science. I was particularly fascinated by astrophysics and theoretical physics and it was precisely this exploration that eventually led me to the conviction that there must be a Creator.

It seemed impossible that this perfect universe came about by chance, let alone that all physical forces work in perfect harmony with each other purely by coincidence! So there had to be a conscious decision, a will, responsible for it — someone or something.

Through the general society I live in, I encountered Christianity but after conversations with Muslims, I began to doubt which religion was closest to the truth. I listened to Muslims describing their faith and Christians describing theirs, and both had elements that made sense to me; I felt torn. I reached a point where I had already planned my baptism,

but I canceled it two weeks prior. At that point, I was completely lost and extremely desperate. In that desperation, I prayed to God to reveal Himself to me, to show me who He really is, as I couldn’t see a clear path myself, and I trusted God entirely to do so. And just two days later, God gave me all the signs I needed to recognize His true nature.

At the time, I worked as a security guard at a refugee center, and none of my colleagues were Christians. When I went to my regular spot, I suddenly discovered a Bible lying there. To this day, I don’t know who it belonged to, and a few days later, it disappeared without a trace. When I opened the Bible, I was so moved by what was inside, and I still remember exactly what I read first: "the Sermon on the Mount". Even though I was already familiar with it, in that moment, it was as if I were reading it for the first time, and I was brought to tears. Shortly afterward, I received a message from my cousin in Poland, with whom I had little contact and who had never sent me anything religious. But that day, she sent me two videos about Jesus‘ way to the cross, without text, just the videos. A short time later, I went to our break room to make myself a coffee, and while the water was boiling, I looked out the window.

In the courtyard, there was a bicycle shed with something written on it in Russian. I had seen it every shift for months but never felt the urge to read it, which was very unusual for me, as I would typically read anything in Russian that I saw, just to practice. But this time, I suddenly felt the need to read it. It said, „Christ died for you so that you may live.“ When I read these words, something deep inside me was struck; my heart started to beat loudly and strongly, and I couldn’t hold back my tears. I fell to the ground and began to weep intensely, thanking God with all my heart that He had heard me and revealed Himself to me. He gave me the answer I had been desperately seeking.

After this experience, I began an intensive study of Christianity and also Islam, and the more I read and learned, the more certain I became. After several months, my baptism finally took place. The journey was not easy for me, but I learned to trust God and entrust my life to Him. My name and my journey stand for this trust and for the fact that God truly reveals Himself to us when we open ourselves to Him.

Since this experience, and especially after my research, it has also become important to me to express my faith not only inwardly but also outwardly. One of my practices is wearing a Christian headscarf during prayer and church services. This is based on a passage from the letter to the Corinthians, where it says that women should cover their heads to honor God. For me, it is a conscious gesture of reverence and humility before God.

It is my way of submitting to His guidance. Of course, this does not mean that I am somehow better or „holier“ because of it; like everyone else, I am a sinner and carry guilt within me. In addition to the headscarf, I also always wear neat clothing when I stand before God in church. This not only reflects my femininity, but I also try to honor God in this way. For example, if I’m invited to a celebration, I pay attention to my appearance; how much more should I do so before God, our Creator? Another aspect of my faith naturally concerns my vision for the future.

I want to share my faith, which is why I wish to become a teacher to help our young people learn more about God and Christianity. Through my work, I want to impart not only knowledge but also the grace and love of God. Another important part of my future is the desire to live a Christian marriage.

This means building a marriage on principles of love, respect, and trust, with God as the center of this union. At the end of my journey, with all the experiences, decisions, and hopes, remains the trust in God—that He guides me and accompanies me on my path, that He gives me strength and wisdom to proclaim His love and His work.

From the original German text, traslated to english by Emine Ismail.

IMPRESSUM

imagofeminae WOMEN IMAGE LIFESTYLE

EMINE ISMAIL TRUST MY JOURNEY TO GOD  AN ESSAY STORY   ISSN 2195-2000 Deutsche Nationalbibliothek. EDITORS: Dr. Sandra Boihmane, Alicja Wawryniuk, Dipl.-Psych. Paiman Maria Davarifard.  imagofeminae summer   2024 # XL  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright Berlin 2024 by imagofeminae.com.